Wisdom about Loss of Family: A Lesson from the Buddha

Wisdom about Loss of Family: A Lesson from the Buddha

Inspired Utterances 8.8, About Visakha.

So I have heard. 

At one time the Buddha was staying near Savatthi (in old India), in the stilt longhouse of Migara’s mother, at the Eastern Monastery. Now at that time the dear and beloved granddaughter of Visakha Migara’s Mother had just passed away. Then, in the middle of the day, Visakha with wet clothes and hair went to the Buddha, bowed, and sat down. 

The Buddha asked her,

“So, Visakha, where are you coming from in the middle of the day with wet clothes and hair?” 

She replied:

“Sir, my beloved granddaughter has just passed away. That’s why I came here in the middle of the day with wet clothes and hair.” 

Buddha then asked:

“Visakha, would you like as many children and grandchildren as there are people in the whole of Savatthi?” 

Visakha answered:

“I would, sir.”

Buddha continued:

“But Visakha, how many people pass away each day in Savatthi?”

She replied:

“Every day, sir, there are ten people passing away in Savatthi. Or else there are nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, or at least one person who passes away every day in Savatthi. Savatthi is never without someone passing away.”

Buddha then asked:

“What do you think, Visakha? Would there ever be a time when your clothes and hair were not wet?” 

She replied:

“No, sir. Enough, sir, with so many children and grandchildren.”

Buddha said:

“Those who have a hundred loved ones, Visakha, have a hundred sufferings due to loss of loved ones. Those who have ninety loved ones, or eighty, seventy, sixty, fifty, forty, thirty, twenty, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, or one loved one have one suffering of loved ones. 

Those who have no loved ones have no suffering. They are free of sorrow, stains, and anguish I say.”

Then, understanding this matter, on that occasion the Buddha expressed this heartfelt sentiment:

All the sorrows and lamentations

and the countless forms of suffering in the world

occur because of those that we love;

without loved ones they do not occur.

That’s why those who have no loved ones

at all in the world

are happy and free of grief.

So aspiring to the sorrowless and stainless,

have no loved ones in the world at all.

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